Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
