Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
whose parrot is this?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
