p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
