I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize