I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
