You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
