i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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