Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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