"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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