She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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