dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
