she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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