I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
