Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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