The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just puked most of my soul out..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
