Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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