I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
