Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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