what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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