if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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