Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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