I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
