I want to have your abortion
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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