Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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