we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
