I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
