I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
