Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
