He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
