you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize