at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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