Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
