Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
do nipples grow back?
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