hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize