So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
