you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
