There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
