so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
