Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
