battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
