I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
