There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
God I need to hump something, right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
