Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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