I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
