Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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