How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
