everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Randomize
