Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
