I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
