This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
