My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
