I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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