I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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