he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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