U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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