she woke up with a sticky ear
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
