nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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