i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize