Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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