I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
