ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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