One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
