If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
