Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
