im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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