I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
