Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
