I love black thongs
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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