i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
