sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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