part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
