remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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