her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize