You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
