How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
