the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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