Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
