nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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