Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
