think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
