i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
