I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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