She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
